Where is he gay today? A Qantas lounge, somewhere on Earth

Dear World,

We're sick of telling you how to eat Vegemite.  Every tourist who gets breakfast on a Qantas plane opens the little pack of Vegemite, scoops up a mouthful, tastes it, and gags.

Wrong, wrong, wrong!  Vegemite must be eaten as carefully as the fugu fish!

So, for the last time:

• Vegemite cannot be eaten on its own.  You must spread it on something.  Most Australians prefer buttered toast, but Vegemite has dressed everything from an avocado to a well-done steak.  That's Australian cuisine for you.
• Be sure you butter your toast.  Vegemite loves oily or fatty foods.  Without lubrication, it will adhere to any surface: teeth, tongue, or throat.  Melted cheese is also popular.  
• By the way, the manufacturers recently introduced a version of Vegemite with the cheese already in it.  It caused a national uproar, mainly because it had such a dumb name—iSnack 2.0.  
• To make this clear for Americans, it would be like Oscar Mayer calling a hot dog iMeat 2.0 with integrated ketchup. For Brits, the equivalent would be iFish 2.0 with inbuilt chips. So they had a contest to choose a new name. 

• The winner? Vegemite Cheesybite.  "None of the above" came a close second, we understand.
• Spread Vegemite THINLY on your buttered toast.  Vegemite is powerful.  You only need a little.
• The combination of the melted butter, the salty, nutty flavour of the Vegemite, and the bulk of the toast makes the perfect hangover cure for those with a queasy stomach. 
• Mothers also make Vegemite sandwiches with cheese as a kiddie snack, because of the high calcium and vitamin B content.  It might be partly responsible for our national addiction to salty, cheesy snack foods.  If you're lucky, we'll let you have a Cheezel. 

Yours Sincerely

Australians

P.S.  We eat kangaroos, too.