Pity poor Oliver Steinhoff, Germany's leading Elvis impersonator.
According to all reports, he is the very Echo of Elvis. He is also a customer of Google's AdSense. Google searches for blogs whose contents match his business profile, and places a link. They charge him a small sum for every click-through.
Blogger, a Google subsidiary, encourages its users to place AdSense on their blogs. I did so, thinking that Google may favour AdSensed sites in searches. (They don't).
First, AdSense worked out I was gay. It loaded ads from a lot of pray-the-gay-away ministries. As soon as the software discovered DüE wasn't a fertile recruiting ground for tortured closet cases (i.e. a porn site), it began to parse the content a little differently.
That's where poor Oliver's bad luck began. I imagine he thought it would be a good idea to specify content that included the words Deutschland and Elvis. So where does his ad end up? On a site that is not written in German, and has nothing to do with Elvis Presley.
I clicked his link, out of curiosity. Oops. He now owes Google around five-twelfths of a cent, and it's all my fault! Further, perhaps one-twelfth of a cent will make its way into my own undeserving pocket. I'm ashamed to take the money.
Please help me make it up to him. Perhaps you'd like to attend his Elvis meets Jazz concerts in Bad Nauheim, where Presley was stationed in the late 50s.
Or visit Oliver's online shop. Let me commend the Elvis Gospel Christmas CD, perfect for the upcoming holiday season, or his exquisite Elvis Schmuck. (Hint to English speakers: you'll need to use the Kategorie wählen drop-down menu.)
He also sells a selection of quality health, grooming and beauty products. Hey, a guy's gotta eat.